Fundamentally, humans are not awesome at distinguishing between requests and requirements. That point of miscommunication easily erodes trust in relationships and undermines a team’s focus on priority projects. When we begin to see where the wires get crossed (and the huge impact that causes), new pathways for circumventing these problems become apparent. Join Kari Granger and Paul Adams as they unpack this ubiquitous breakdown and give us conversational doorways to getting onto the same page with our bosses, colleagues, direct reports, spouses, and children.
In This Episode:
00:56 – Introducing today’s topic: How to Distinguish Requests From Requirements
02:23 – Paul’s experience of questioning the status quo of an organization
05:22 – Tip: experiment by asking, “By when do you need that?”
08:24 – The reverse of asking, “By when do you need that?”
09:20 – The importance of distinguishing between a request and a requirement
12:35 – An example of how to initiate new conversations with your boss or colleague
15:30 – Kari shares how a committed and accountable colleague of hers counter-offers her requests
18:35 – Kari and Paul distinguish suggestions, requirements, and requirements
19:59 – Matching our language to our meaning: the example of a client who said ‘strongly recommend’ when expressing requirements
21:17 – Paul’s professional and personal take-aways from this episode
21:53 – Paul challenges listeners to consider what key relationships could be powerfully impacted by this distinction and recommends a way to start that conversation
“When her boss said it wasn’t needed it for two weeks, she almost fell over. Had she not clarified, she would have stayed up all night and moved everything else aside to those things done.” – Kari Granger
“It’s valuable for bosses to realize that the propensity people have to do a good job — to please them and to advance within the organization — can cause people to hear each thing they say as a requirement that must be done right away.” – Kari Granger
“If we are relating to something as a requirement, there is very little room to say ‘no’ or to counter-offer. But, when we’re clear we’re dealing with an actual request, we can negotiate, we can counter-offer, and we can say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’” – Kari Granger
“When people hear everything as a requirement, they often don’t take the action and then they hide out about what they didn’t complete and/or they make the boss wrong for issuing too many requirements.” – Kari Granger
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LEADERSHIP IMPACT PODCAST
Our work is mosaic art. We read, study, and practice many philosophies, methodologies, and modalities of human performance, to ensure that our approach best serves our clients. We would like to acknowledge all of the thought leaders and organizations, whose ground-breaking work has influenced the Granger Network approach – especially Fernando Flores, Jim Selman, Werner Erhard, Michael C. Jensen, Julio Olalla, Pluralistic Networks, The Newfield Network, Landmark Education and the Strozzi Institute.
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