Season 2 Episode 23 – How to Deal with Others’ Expectations of You

Date

“Our common sense way of dealing with others’ expectations of us is based on fairness, yet it often leaves us kicked out of roles and feeling dejected, powerless, confused, resentful, righteous, or defensive. It isn’t workable.” -Kari Granger

Others have expectations of us. Sometimes they are explicit and agreed upon, but — more often than not — they are unstated, not agreed upon, and wreaking havoc on our relationships, our collaborations, and our wellbeing, whether it is the mother-in-law who expects every holiday to be celebrated at their home or the colleague who expects same-day turnaround on every request. Join Kari Granger and Paul Adams as they look at the game-changing strategy that allows us to powerfully navigate the expectations minefield in our work and our lives, improving workability, performance, and trust.

In This Episode:

00:54 – Introducing today’s topic: How to deal with others’ expectations of you

02:19 – Paul shares an experience he had of dealing with others’ implicit expectations of him

06:25 – The problem with our current relationship to expectations

07:48 – A different way to relate to expectations

09:00 – The standard for what we include as ‘our word’– not fairness but workability

11:28 – Paul’s realizations of how he could have navigated some implicit expectations of him

15:53 – How we relate to our implicit expectations of others

17:06 – What is fair and worthwhile about this new way of dealing with others’ expectations

18:26 – The common response to others’ implicit expectations of us

20:03 – Paul’s example of how this mindset of workability also applies to marriage

22:08 – Applying the formula, “Mess up, Fess up, Level up,” to dealing with implicit expectations

Quotes:

“How fair is it to hold you to account for something we didn’t ask you to do and you didn’t promise to do? It’s not, but here’s the problem — this happens everyday, everywhere, and it’s sabotaging our business, home, and friend relationships.” – Kari Granger 

“When something seems wrong and you don’t know why, it’s likely that you didn’t do something that someone didn’t tell you they expected you to do!” – Kari Granger 

“If I didn’t say I would do it, then it’s not something I need to account for,’ passes the common sense test; the problem is that it leaves us being kicked out of roles, feeling dejected, feeling powerless, resentful, righteous, defensive… There is an alternative.” – Kari Granger 

“If we relate to others’ expectations as our own word and we account for it as if we had promised it (even if we didn’t), I promise you it’s going to go much better. That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to do what they expect, but it does mean you need to address their expectations.” – Kari Granger 

“We relate to expectations as our own word not because it’s fair, but because it works; it increases the workability in our relationships.” – Kari Granger 

“The idea of having workability and performance be what we are after rather than being right about something, makes all the difference.” – Paul Adams 

“When people’s expectations go unmet and they feel that they have been made wrong, they will do their best to exact some consequences to you.” – Paul Adams 


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Links:

Kari’s Website

Paul’s Website

The Mission Control Productivity and Accomplishment Course

The Bardary, Inc.

Paul’s Other Podcast: Your Business Your Wealth 


LEADERSHIP IMPACT PODCAST

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Acknowledgements:
Our work is mosaic art. We read, study, and practice many philosophies, methodologies, and modalities of human performance, to ensure that our approach best serves our clients. We would like to acknowledge all of the thought leaders and organizations, whose ground-breaking work has influenced the Granger Network approach – especially Fernando Flores, Jim Selman, Michael C. Jensen, Julio Olalla, Pluralistic Networks, The Newfield Network, and the Strozzi Institute.

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