“Our common sense way of dealing with others’ expectations of us is based on fairness, yet it often leaves us kicked out of roles and feeling dejected, powerless, confused, resentful, righteous, or defensive. It isn’t workable.” -Kari Granger
Others have expectations of us. Sometimes they are explicit and agreed upon, but — more often than not — they are unstated, not agreed upon, and wreaking havoc on our relationships, our collaborations, and our wellbeing, whether it is the mother-in-law who expects every holiday to be celebrated at their home or the colleague who expects same-day turnaround on every request. Join Kari Granger and Paul Adams as they look at the game-changing strategy that allows us to powerfully navigate the expectations minefield in our work and our lives, improving workability, performance, and trust.
In This Episode:
00:54 – Introducing today’s topic: How to deal with others’ expectations of you
02:19 – Paul shares an experience he had of dealing with others’ implicit expectations of him
06:25 – The problem with our current relationship to expectations
07:48 – A different way to relate to expectations
09:00 – The standard for what we include as ‘our word’– not fairness but workability
11:28 – Paul’s realizations of how he could have navigated some implicit expectations of him
15:53 – How we relate to our implicit expectations of others
17:06 – What is fair and worthwhile about this new way of dealing with others’ expectations
18:26 – The common response to others’ implicit expectations of us
20:03 – Paul’s example of how this mindset of workability also applies to marriage
22:08 – Applying the formula, “Mess up, Fess up, Level up,” to dealing with implicit expectations
“How fair is it to hold you to account for something we didn’t ask you to do and you didn’t promise to do? It’s not, but here’s the problem — this happens everyday, everywhere, and it’s sabotaging our business, home, and friend relationships.” – Kari Granger
“If I didn’t say I would do it, then it’s not something I need to account for,’ passes the common sense test; the problem is that it leaves us being kicked out of roles, feeling dejected, feeling powerless, resentful, righteous, defensive… There is an alternative.” – Kari Granger
“If we relate to others’ expectations as our own word and we account for it as if we had promised it (even if we didn’t), I promise you it’s going to go much better. That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to do what they expect, but it does mean you need to address their expectations.” – Kari Granger
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LEADERSHIP IMPACT PODCAST
Our work is mosaic art. We read, study, and practice many philosophies, methodologies, and modalities of human performance, to ensure that our approach best serves our clients. We would like to acknowledge all of the thought leaders and organizations, whose ground-breaking work has influenced the Granger Network approach – especially Fernando Flores, Jim Selman, Werner Erhard, Michael C. Jensen, Julio Olalla, Pluralistic Networks, The Newfield Network, Landmark Education and the Strozzi Institute.
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